Skip to main content

Letters from...

By
In the news this week, we heard about the tradition started by Ronald Reagan of outgoing US presidents leaving the incoming new president a note, in the oval office desk. I really think it's quite annoying that the media was permitted to have photo opportunities with the letter but the public is not permitted to learn what might be contained in the letter, but all-in-all, it's a pretty cool tradition.

This presidential custom got me thinking what it might be like if the same sort of practice stood in place for baseball managerial changes. What if Larry Bowa wrote a letter to his unknown managerial successor, prior to leaving Gary Varsho in charge in the closing days of the 2004 Phillies season? What would that letter look like...?

To whom it may concern,
Hi, my name is Larry. I was the manager here before. The team stunk and they always blamed ME. Some guy named Patrick was always causing issues and snubbing me. The guy could barely bat his weight, for average, and he wanted to blame ME. Once, he joined up with some reserve players and they dyed their hair and told people I was to blame for the team's shortcomings. My advice, if this ever happens to you, would be to find the lead hair dyer and release him...especially if his name is Tyler. Guys named Tyler just can't be trusted, in my experience.

There are really good local spots you should know about like where to get your
hair cut, where to get good hoagies and where to find a massage place that throws
in a tug at the end. Vuk is the guy to ask about all that.

I'm really popular here and the phans seriously dig me. My number is 10, so try not to let anyone wear that going forward, okay?

Oh and lastly, tell that (expletive deleted) Ed Wade to (explicit phrase deleted) and (expletive deleted) his stupid (expletive deleted) hair cut.
Sincerely, L-Bo.


Alright, and what if Terry Francona, on his way out in 1997, wrote a letter to Larry Bowa?


Dearest Larry,
Hey, it's Tito...just wanted to say GOOD LUCK...a-ha-ha! This whole franchise is in the toilet. Matt Beech is the #2 starter! Hahahah!

Whew, holy crap, it's great to be free! Alright, I'm gonna go interview with a real baseball franchise and win a lot. Tell Eddy I said he can (suggestive word deleted) my (explicit word deleted).
Peace,
T.F.
Labels:

Comments

Amanda said…
Hahhaha, that was pretty funny. Good work. I remember when they all bleeched their hair. J-Mike and Burrell started it, and then the whole team did it.
January 22, 2009 at 9:04 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Eric B Needs to be Cut (and My Name is Rakim)

By
While the Phillies are on a hot streak this month, one player on the team is not. Eric Bruntlett is 1-for-12 in July. Since the start of May, Bruntlett's apex in batting average has been .167 on June 14th. Bruntlett's ineptitude can be tolerated no longer. Get rid of this guy NOW! Eric B. is the 2009 Endy Chavez. Remember Endy...the guy who in 2005 managed just 2 hits in his final 42 games played as a Phillie? That is about the sort of output the Phillies are getting from Bruntlett, and it's time to fix this void. Julio Lugo was designated for assignment last week by the Red Sox and is expected to become a free agent. The Metropolitans are rumored to be interested. Why wouldn't the Phillies be interested in a guy who could surely outhit Bruntlett? Lugo was hitting .284 through 37 games played this season with Boston. Suspended Lehigh Valley IronPig Pablo Ozuna is eligible to return next Wednesday. Ozuna is batting .294 through 51 games at triple A. Miguel Cairo is also...
6 comments
Read more

Yankees Fans Misled By Pepsi Promotion

By
**** Today, New York Yankees fans attended a Pepsi promotion in Times Square hoping for chances to win opening day tickets to the new stadium, but the tickets, which were difficult to track down due to poor organization on Pepsi's part, were actually for a game in June. Furthermore, the 250 pairs that were promised were actually only 100 pairs. The fans, who were made to sprint through traffic over multiple city blocks when locations for the promotion changed, quickly turned against the soda brand by pooring out their beverages and chanting anti-Pepsi phrases. Yankees fans are even threatening a boycott of Pepsi. An appearance by Yankee great Goose Gossage could not even settle the angry mob, as he had to be whisked away, as a precaution, according to the Daily News . Ooo , I'd hate to see what "the worst fans in sports" (Philadelphia fans) would have done to their free Pepsi cans and beloved reliever in that situation. Because this happened in a non-Philly city, th...
5 comments
Read more

5th spot, Wall, Old timers, Links

By
The race for the Phillies' fifth starter spot is still on. While it's not fully fair to compare Grapefruit League stats, when some of the pitchers have had "B game" and scrimmage outings mixed in, Kyle Kendrick and Carlos Carrasco look to be falling behind Chan Ho Park and "Jay" Happ. Happ added to his solid Grapefruit League stats (2.45 ERA, 1.09 WHIP in 4 games) today against the Rays. Pitching coach Rich Dubee had been displeased with Kendrick even before he surrendered 8 earned runs in 3 innings of work yesterday against the Braves. Park has been working on improving his change up, with (Coach) Jamie Moyer. Park noticed Moyer's location control on his change, so he sought out Moyer to teach him the grip and positioning of the ball. Moyer, of course, feels good about helping anyone on the Phils' staff. Park has been coached by greats like Nolan Ryan with the Rangers and Sandy Koufax with the Dodgers, so Moyer is in great company. Park is working h...
5 comments
Read more