Skip to main content

Letters from...

By
In the news this week, we heard about the tradition started by Ronald Reagan of outgoing US presidents leaving the incoming new president a note, in the oval office desk. I really think it's quite annoying that the media was permitted to have photo opportunities with the letter but the public is not permitted to learn what might be contained in the letter, but all-in-all, it's a pretty cool tradition.

This presidential custom got me thinking what it might be like if the same sort of practice stood in place for baseball managerial changes. What if Larry Bowa wrote a letter to his unknown managerial successor, prior to leaving Gary Varsho in charge in the closing days of the 2004 Phillies season? What would that letter look like...?

To whom it may concern,
Hi, my name is Larry. I was the manager here before. The team stunk and they always blamed ME. Some guy named Patrick was always causing issues and snubbing me. The guy could barely bat his weight, for average, and he wanted to blame ME. Once, he joined up with some reserve players and they dyed their hair and told people I was to blame for the team's shortcomings. My advice, if this ever happens to you, would be to find the lead hair dyer and release him...especially if his name is Tyler. Guys named Tyler just can't be trusted, in my experience.

There are really good local spots you should know about like where to get your
hair cut, where to get good hoagies and where to find a massage place that throws
in a tug at the end. Vuk is the guy to ask about all that.

I'm really popular here and the phans seriously dig me. My number is 10, so try not to let anyone wear that going forward, okay?

Oh and lastly, tell that (expletive deleted) Ed Wade to (explicit phrase deleted) and (expletive deleted) his stupid (expletive deleted) hair cut.
Sincerely, L-Bo.


Alright, and what if Terry Francona, on his way out in 1997, wrote a letter to Larry Bowa?


Dearest Larry,
Hey, it's Tito...just wanted to say GOOD LUCK...a-ha-ha! This whole franchise is in the toilet. Matt Beech is the #2 starter! Hahahah!

Whew, holy crap, it's great to be free! Alright, I'm gonna go interview with a real baseball franchise and win a lot. Tell Eddy I said he can (suggestive word deleted) my (explicit word deleted).
Peace,
T.F.
Labels:

Comments

Amanda said…
Hahhaha, that was pretty funny. Good work. I remember when they all bleeched their hair. J-Mike and Burrell started it, and then the whole team did it.
January 22, 2009 at 9:04 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What the hell else was I going to write about...?

By
It will be too late for many people's liking, but it's really about time to NEVER USE BRAD LIDGE IN A SAVE SITUATION ON THE ROAD AGAIN. Lidge in 2009 road games- 0-6, 8.10 ERA, 15 saves, 10 blown saves. One of my favorite statistics that I regularly update here on PhoulBallz is the percentage of games that Brad Lidge has allowed earned runs in this season, compared to the 18% he allowed in 2008. This year, Lidge has allowed earned runs in 43% of his outings. And, as a reminder, in 2007 Brett Myers allowed earned runs in just 21% of his relief appearances. Considering Lidge's season-long struggles, what is the solution when Brett Myers is ailing with a back muscle/shoulder injury, when Chan Ho Park has an injured hamstring, when Ryan Madson looks just as inept in the 9th inning as Brad Lidge seems and when JC Romero is still unavailable to pitch due to a forearm injury? Well, on Wednesday night, with Hanley Ramirez batting with two outs and the tying run on 3rd base, your an...
4 comments
Read more

Watch Out For the Bat Boy

By
Stop ice grillin' the Phillies players, bat boy. I am watching YOU. I don't know what is on your mind, bat boy, but don't even think about doing something slick. You might wear the Phillies' uniform, but it is clear that you are a Yankees fan. It's all over your pale little "I wanna grow up to be like the Robert De Niro character in The Fan " face. The World Champs should be cautious around this kid. He could be dangerous. ------------------------------------------- Follow PhoulBallz.com on Twitter HERE !
6 comments
Read more

Greatest Comeback I've Ever Witnessed

By
I was lucky enough to be in the building for the Phillies' game 4 NLCS walk off victory. I would like to write about it as though I'm reporting on it. I'd love to be able to jot down a story and go off to bed, like I did after game 3, but I don't think that is possible. I feel like I did last year following game 5.2 of the World Series. I was up all night, unable to come down off of that Phillies high. I have the same feeling right now. You all know what happened. I don't need to tell you all a story about the game. It's very likely you've got the image of Jimmy Rollins lacing that double off Jonathan Broxton burned in you brain, frame by frame already. I know I do. With two outs in the bottom of the 9th inning, my lady began to collect her things, strapping her purse on across herself. I shot her a quick look as though to convey, "What are you doing?" She shot back, "I'm getting ready to go." I replied, "I'm getting ready to...
4 comments
Read more